Have you ever wondered if there are women somewhere on this planet of ours who respect that extra male appendage men have? There’s more that one woman who’s said they didn’t need a penis but I’m here to tell you that there are those who more than just give the penis it’s due respect, in fact they actually worship it.
I’m referring to those involved in the Kanamara Matsuri festival, otherwise known as the Festival of the Steel Phallus! This is an annual Shinto fertility festival held in Kawasaki Japan during the spring of each year. Oh, and girls, if you thought your guys were well hung, man you haven’t seen anything until you see what these women worship, and if you are ever down there don’t forget to buy your very own penis shaped lipop!
Gee, talk about getting mixed messages, no wonder us guys are so bloody confused about what to say and do in front of a woman. Just to commemorate this special festival I decided to write a little poem called;
‘The Snake In My Pants.’
The snake in my pants has a mind of his own
On many an occasion this has been shown
He may hang to the left or maybe to the right
Beware if he pops out you may get a fright
It bothers me that I have no control
It always tries to achieve it’s own goal
No matter what I try and do or think
That damn snake will refuse to shrink
Even when it was time to take a leak
One had to take care or they would shriek
No more than two shakes was the saying
More than two and you would be playing
I am forced to sit and grin and smirk
Or if I must stand, out comes the shirt
I must try to hide the bulge that shows
Or my face turns red and really glows
I know what makes it act like this
It’s hoping that I may sneak a kiss
Pick up a hot girl to take to bed
So he can bury the exposed head
Ah but his master has high morals
Way too much for this snakes laurels
Many an occasion he thought me a freak
So many that all he could do was weep
Then came a time when I would marry
No more in the pants did he have to tarry
As the years went on things would change
She would think my sexual urges so strange
So in the end he still hangs there
Balls for friends, poking through hair
Sometimes to the left, or to the right
Never quite happy with his plight
When reading this post let’s keep one thing in mind, we are no longer part of the stone age so why is that so many blokes act as if they were?
Being a bloke and talking to other blokes I find that a common dilemma that many men have is that once they’ve been married for awhile they just don’t get to have sex as often as they used to and no where near as often as they would like. Naturally it’s not their fault, or is it?
Let’s look at if from a woman’s point of view. When they’re first married things are hot and there’s always a bit of time for a romp in the hay, but next to no time something starts to cook in the oven and then out pops a baby, and before you know it another may pop out. That beautiful wife of yours now has something else to care for other than your complaining ass.
As a bloke you may not realize it but those little bundles of joy take a hell of a lot of work to look after and demand almost constant attention. Even when they’re asleep you can bet your wife is on tender hooks just waiting for that wail that they know is around the corner demanding for attention.
On top of all that she’s also got to keep the house clean and tidy, shit wouldn’t want to give the man of the house something to complain about now would we? Then there’s the shopping and worrying about what the heck she’s going to make for dinner. When you think about it most of us can come home and forget about work while she lives it all 24/7. And on top of all that you expect her to put out for you? What are you some sort of prehistoric caveman or something.
Truth be told most men don’t appreciate their wives, but if they did I bet they would be more than willing to get your rocks off on a more regular basis. So what can you do to attain this goal, keeping in mind that it’s not just for the sex, it’s because you love her and you want to help her. The sex is just a bonus, and oh what a bonus it is.
Don’t just come home from work, give her a peck on the cheek and then sit down watching TV with a beer in your hand, and if you forget the beer you sure as hell don’t want to yell out for her to get you one.
Instead take the kids off her hands and attend to their needs for awhile taking some of the stress off her.
If you see some chores that need to be done don’t complain about it do it yourself basking in the knowledge that you’re helping her out.
If she’s cooking set the table, and when all is finished clear the table and wash the dishes remembering that while you’ve worked 8 hours she’s got a couple of more on you and there is nothing more tiring than being stressed out over your kids.
Believe me just doing this will help out your cause, but not if you do it just for sex because you have to make it into a regular routine. Also don’t forget to tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her. I’m sure that most women feel they are less than beautiful because they just haven’t the time to attend to their appearance as they once had.
Another good idea is to plan a night of sensual pleasure with her, and knowing how those beautiful kids of yours are always on her mind you may want to organize their grandparents to look after then every now an again. You can then take her out to dinner and knowing what awaits you both when you get home only accentuates the sexual juices. If you’re feeling really adventurous you may even bring a sexual toy to the restaurant. I’m talking about a remote controlled vibrator which you can order online at Amazon.
I’m talking about the Trinity Mini Remote Control 10 Speed Egg and what is cool about this is that she wears it why you have control of the remote. One thing that I like about Amazon is that you can view real live comment left by people who have bought and used the products, both positive and negative. Here is what one happy customer had to say;
I read mixed reviews on this product and found myself questioning the purchase afterward, but all of my apprehensions were allayed the first time we used this little gem. The 7 settings allow me to tease my wife in a variety of way, when she least expects it. She says it feels wonderful and is so quite that we can use it in public without the risk of making others aware. It has a great range that allows me to activate the egg from the other room.
The only downside to this product is that it is very easy to activate if you have the remote on your keyring. I had it in my pocket and it ran down the batteries the second day we had it. Other than that, it is a great product I would recommend to anyone looking for a bit of adventure.
By the time you get home things should happen of their own accord. In future posts I will include other ways of increasing your sensual pleasure.
I reckon just about everyone is familiar with Hugh Hefner and the one thing that they would associate with him would have to be his Playboy Bunnies, those delectable ladies made even more so by the now famous Playboy Bunny Costumes. Well, it seems that Hugh has agreed to let the Playboy Bunnies join the Ann Summers rabbits for some Easter-fun!
Imagine the woman of your dreams fulfilling your most popular fantasy by wearing one of Hefner’s very own Playboy Bunny outfit. OK, OK, perhaps not the exact same one, but one inspired by his collection. In the words of Ann Summers;
Inspired by the beloved Playboy Bunny Costume, this limited-edition fashion piece will help women exude the confidence, elegance and glamour of a true Playboy Bunny. Packaged in the Official Bunny Costume box, the 50th Anniversary Bunny Inspired Lingerie set includes all of the features that make the costume one of the most-recognized outfits in the world: a flattering, sexy corset with ribbon corsetry for maximum shape, built-in padding for a full Bunny bust, and a sensual satin finish; satin knickers with ruched, ribbon-tie sides; an adjustable satin bow tie collar and white cuffs featuring the Playboy logo; an iconic satin-finish Bunny Ears headband; and a large, soft Bunny tail.To help launch the 50th Anniversary Bunny Inspired Lingerie Costume in style, Ann Summers will be offering costume purchasers a chance to win a trip for two to the world-famous Playboy Mansion. Each purchaser will be automatically entered to win the following prize package:
Playboy Bunny tour of the Playboy Mansion
Economy flights for two from London to LA (EXCLUDES TRANSFERS)
One 4-star standard hotel room for two nights
$250 in spending money!For more information visit the Competition page
Get that? Not only does she get a luxurious and sexy outfit; not only do you get to see her in your very own Playboy Bunny outfit but you also get a chance to win a trip for two the to world-famous Playboy Mansion not to mention the Playboy Bunny tour of the Playboy Mansion! This is a limited off so act now before you miss out.
Let’s face it, no matter how long you’ve been married it can be difficult bringing up the introduction of sex toys. Yeah, I know it shouldn’t be but for many, even today, men and women may find talking about sex difficult. Many may think that bringing sex toys into a relationship may give the wrong message, that you are not happy with the way things are going, when all you’re really doing is taking it to another level.
I would suggest the best way to do it would be to broach the subject naturally. Be upfront, telling your partner that even though you’re completely satisfied you would love it if you could introduce something more into the relationship.
It’s not like the old days where you had to go into a stingy looking sex store where you thought everyone was looking at you. Now you visit any online Sex Aids Store and doing it together is the best way to explore what sort of toys you want to bring into bedroom.
If you’ve never owned a sex toy before I reckon your best bet would be to try the beginners room. Starting off slow and easy may be the best way to go. It’s just another way to explore what arouses your partner. Men, find out more about what pleases your woman and ladies find out more about what pleases your man.
Lotions may be a great way to start off exploring reach others bodies. Take the time to massage the days stress away leading to a more pleasurable sexual experience. These days that even have great tasting lotions so that you can bring even your tongue into action.
There’s a great selection of vibrators available, and although many are aimed at women there are versions available for men as well.
These are just a few ideas that you may want to explore. All those links will take you to the home page of the store I am affiliated with, but once there you can use the friendly menu to browse the hundreds of items available to make your next love making session an experience to remember.
I am so happy to present to you a guest post from a female reader and I think it’s perfect to have a woman’s view on this subject. Anne is a 38 year old wife and mom of 3 who knows women are every bit as sexual as men. They just need a little more to get them there. When not living, loving, and laughing with her family in the mountains of Virginia, Anne can be found writing about it on her site AnneOnLife.
I ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers – turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me good-night!
– Author Unknown
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching. Before you run out and buy that box of chocolates, a dozen or two overpriced red roses, or even make reservations at the local hot spot think about this. What does the woman in your life really want?
She wants to be romanced.
Sure chocolates are nice, but women are always preoccupied with their weight. Eating all of those chocolates will only make her even more self-conscious. The more self-conscious she is about her body the less likely she is to let you get near it.
Flowers are pretty, but will be dead within the week. Dinner out, well, she might actually like that one.
She wants to feel wanted.
In fact, many women enjoy sex every bit as much as a man. We just need a little more to get us in the mood. The simplest way to do this is with a kiss. Think it’s not that easy? You might be surprised.
Kissing is to women what porn is to men, only better. Want to find her real g-spot? Learn how to kiss the way she wants you to kiss. I once dated a complete jerk because he could kiss, among other things. Kissing is important!
There are actual scientific studies on kissing, but that is not what I want to discuss today. I want to discuss The Art of Kissing. Because it is an art, you know. Sometimes it seems a lost art, but you can change that.
Do a little research
Go to your local library and scan a few romance novels.
Skip the hokey stuff and find the love scenes. This shouldn’t be too hard. Love scenes in romance novels go on for pages. Get a feel for how women fantasize. It’s different than men. Better still, check out some of the books she’s reading. After all, it’s her fantasies you want to fulfill.
Rent a movie or two.
Watch The Notebook. Besides being one of the best love stories, it has some of the best kissing scenes ever. Fast forward through the parts you don’t like, but watch those kissing scenes. Over and over and as many times as needed. Remember, women want to feel wanted. Make her feel as sexual as the girl in the movie. She loses herself in the moment and you have a very good night.
I also suggest Knight Moves with Christopher Lambert. This is a suspense thriller, but Christopher Lambert knows how to create a lustful mood. The scene is in the beginning. Hit rewind and watch that scene more than once. Bonus – it’s a guy movie, so you can play off the real reason for watching it.
Tip: Don’t watch this with your wife unless you turn it off when the sex scene is over. This is a suspense thriller, not a romantic comedy.
Ask questions, Get feedback
Talk to your wife. What better way to find out what she likes than to ask. Steer clear of vague answer questions. Be direct. Be sincere. Get the ball rolling by telling her what you like. This is called building intimacy guys. If you want a more sustained sex life, then intimacy is key.
Tip: Lighten the mood by giving her a massage while you talk. This relaxes her and takes her mind off any reluctance to answer she may be feeling. It also makes for good foreplay.
Practice makes perfect
Don’t make it about getting some. Nothing says selfish like putting the woman where you want her. This means no gentle coaxing her mouth to your penis. No placing her hand there either. Big turn off. If she’s feeling it, you won’t need to coax her into anything.
Do make it about her. Pucker up, like you mean it. Use your hands and hold her face, pull her close. Kiss her mouth, open and sensual. Kiss her neck, no sucking please. Take your time. Foreplay is important. Don’t stop at her neck, work your way down. Build the mood.
Tip: Remember to kiss her during your love making. This retains intimacy and keeps her in the moment. The more preoccupied she is with you the less likely she is to drift off and start thinking about her perceived flaws.
Try out a few things. Remember what you learned during your sensual Q&A. Emulate the kissing scenes found in the movies you watched. You’ll know what works and what doesn’t by the reaction you get.
Do it right and you may find yourself doing it more often. Now that’s what I call a gift that keeps on giving. And to think, it all started with a kiss. Photo Credit