The one good thing about having a sex blog is that you don’t have to worry about Google banning it, and that’s usually because Google wouldn’t accept it in the first place. Another good thing is that you don’t have to worry about adding adult content, because people expect adult content on a sex site.
This is great because I get a lot of adult joke sent to me and until not I haven’t been able to share them with anyone online. I got this one the other day, and it’s not really a joke as such but it does have a funny side to it.
Essentially it’s about knowing traffic rules, and if you don’t get it you’re either too old or too young to be driving. Needless to say I reckon most men would get this one right.
Q: You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING FOR 2 MILES sign posted, and you come upon a bicycle rider. Do you:
(a) Follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles, or
(b) Do you break the law and pass?
Awhile back I did a post on how to get a blow job and I discussed things that may be preventing you from getting a blow job and ways of getting around those obstacles. I also left relevant links to resources on how to give a good blow job. Well I thought it was only fair that we do something for the ladies so this post is all about cunnilingus, the act of orally stimulating the female genitals. Now that word may be a little hard for some people to wrap their tongue around so let’s look at some other words that people may be more familiar with.
Muff Dive: These days this doesn’t make as much sense as more women get Brazilians
Carpet Munch: Again like muff dive it’s not entirely relevant a lot of the times
Eat someone out
Pearl diving: relating directly to the clitoris
Anyway, I think you get the idea. I can’t help but wonder though what would happen if some aliens got hold of some oral sex manual and took it literally :D Now, I’m not proclaiming to be an expert on pleasing a woman orally but I have learned a few things.
Some women can be pretty sensitive down there so it’s not a good idea to get stuck into it straight away. Leave it to a little later in the game and start slow.
Be gentle, and don’t ask stupid questions like’ do you like it this way?’ That’s almost as stupid as a woman saying ‘does my ass look big in this dress?’ If you have to ask anything it’s best to give her a choice as in, ‘do you like it softer or harder?’
Be attentive to her needs: She may gently try to move your head away. This means she’s not quite ready so don’t persist. There are other delicacies on a woman’s body that you can give your attention to.
When you think it’s time don’t just go straight to it. Work your way down slowly. After a lingering kiss, you could work on her ear lobes, the nape of her neck, her breasts, tummy, belly button, around one thigh, then the next. Then you may even kiss her vagina gently and wait for a reaction. All going well you can lick around the lips and then gently tackle the clitoris.
Some women may want to achieve an orgasm though oral sex but some prefer penetration. Again be aware for signs so that you know when to stop.
How do you know if your performing oral sex ? The best way is to be attentive. Listen to her breathing. Are there sounds of pleasure? Is he moving her body in appreciation? If you’re attentive enough you will know when your over doing something or you stopped doing something that was working.
Naturally I can’t include all the ways on how to give great oral sex to a woman in one post so I’ll provide links to resources that you may find useful.
OK, those who know me know that I love jokes, and naturally a lot of jokes are based on sex. Now, since sex is what this blog is all about I thought it only natural that I occasional post a sex related joke.
The one that you are about to read is a really old one that I had completely forgotten about, until I got it in an email that is. I must admit I had always wonder how Tarzan and Jane first got it all together and considering Tarzan’s habitat this could be quite conceivable.Anyway, it was titled;
When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?
‘Tarzan not know sex.’ he replied.
Jane explained to him what sex was.
Tarzan said ‘Oh ….Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.’
Horrified Jane said, ‘Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.’
She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground. ‘Here,’ she said, pointing to her privates, ‘you must put it in here.’
Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!
Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.
Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed,
I was thinking about this the other day and I was wondering what sort of reaction I would get from people if I was to ask them this question while they were going about their daily business. I can just imagine the look of shock on some people faces whilst others merely giggled.
Naturally this can’t be a simple yes or no answer. It would all depend on what caused the marital problems. Now, if the marital problems was of a sexual nature then perhaps one could assume that the right sexual aids could help to bring a husband and wife together.
Perhaps it would make more sense if we were to think beyond the premise that sex aids consist purely of sex toys such as vibrators, I’m Not Getting Enough Sex What Can I Do I wrote about certain things a man could do that would make his wife more open to his amorous intentions. It’s quite possible in certain situations that this alone could strengthen a marriage before it reached the point of no return.
I also wrote a post, Introducing Sexual Aids To The Relationship, where I wrote about ways they could be introduced into a relationship where one couple may be a little hesitant about it. There’s also a couple of good books that some of you may like to read.
Personally though, I feel that there may be instances where couples may need more than just books and instructions and in these situations if couples are open to explore other avenues then perhaps there is a place for sexual aids in cementing a loving relationship.
I reckon it’s pretty safe to say that not all women like to give blow jobs. Of those that do not all women are willing to let the male ejaculate into their mouth and of those that do not all women are willing to swallow the semen. The problem is that most men like blow jobs and so the question is what can a bloke do that would increase his chance of getting one?
Perhaps some of the answers lie in another question.
What’s stopping some women from giving blow jobs?
Could ignorance be a factor? Perhaps not ever having given one they do not want to be seen as being inept at it or are scared that they will get it all wrong? Naturally us blokes don’t mind taking the teacher role but we may never get the chance until we can remove the fear factor.
I’m Not Putting That Thing In My Mouth…You Pee With It!
I imagine that some women knowing that the penis is used to urinate equate the whole putting in the mouth idea as being unsanitary. If that is the case it’s essential that we make sure we keep it in pristine condition making sure it’s as clean as humanly possible.
If this comes out in conversation it’s a good idea to assure he that you shake every drop after urinating so that there is no chance of any pee going into her mouth. You could even shower together so that she see it’s all nice and clean.
If she feels that way about your penis she may very well feel the same about her vagina, so perhaps during your next session, as part of your foreplay, you may want to go down on her, proving that you have no qualms about her love juice.
Whatever you do though don’t use the ‘I did you now you do me’ routine as that just shows what an insensitive bastard you are. Give her all the time she needs and she will love you all the more for it.
It Tastes Awful
OK, while some women like it others may not. You may be thinking that there isn’t all that much you can do about the taste, I know that’s what I originally thought, but what if there was something that a bloke could do that would improve the taste? It seems feasible, I mean I’ve heard if you put crushed garlic in your socks you would have garlic breath in a matter of minutes, and mothers have to be careful of what they eat or drink as it could affect their breast milk. So why couldn’t there be something a man can take that would improve the taste of his semen?
Enter Yummy Cum which is supposed to be stacked full of potent fruit extracts and natural anti oxidants. Apart from improving your overall health it’s also supposed to dramatically improve the flavor, sweetness and smell of your cum.
Now I can’t vouch for this because I’ve never tried it, but I can see the potential if it works exactly as the manufacturer says it does. Even if you’re already getting blow jobs imagine the surprise on her face if you surprised her by taking Yummy Cum and giving her a new taste sensation.